Tuesday, December 31, 2013

the "best" anime of 2013

THE "AWARDS" WHERE I JUST MAKE FUN OF STUFF:



"BEST" DUDE YOU HAVE TO CHECK OUT THIS AMAZING 'JAPANIMATION'! IT'S NOT KID'S STUFF LIKE DISNEY CARTOONS! (AND THE STRIKE WITCHES MEMORIAL AWARD FOR THE SHOW THAT UH, "NORMAL" PEOPLE WOULD HAVE WATCHED IF NOT FOR THE RIDICULOUS FANSERVICE): Kill la Kill




Kill la Kill would have saved anime if not for the fact that Yamakan had already saved anime back in 2011 with Fractale.



Hinano here with comments in green!



BEST/"BEST" ENGRISH (AND "EXCELLENCE" IN THE FIELD OF AWKWARD TRANSLATIONS): The Basketball Which Kuroko Plays



I ain't keeping a poker face. It's my nature



MOST APPROPRIATE/INAPPROPRIATE NORIO WAKAMOTO ROLE: Uta no Prince-sama



That said, points were deducted because unlike last time, he did not roll an R for like, 10 whole seconds this time



BEST SIDEKICK: Orion



And by sidekick I obviously mean .



BEST/"BEST"/BREAST FILLER EPISODE(S): Uta no Majestic Prince-sama: Maji Sameface 1000%



They pulled off the rare double turn where they both massively inflated the titty character's tittys AND massive deflated the non-titty character's tittys!



THE MANOS: THE HANDS OF FATE MEMORIAL AWARD FOR "EXCELLENCE" IN THE FIELD OF TITULAR REDUNDANCY: Maoyuu Maou Yuusha



moar liek Maonyuu amirite?



THE MITSUTOSHI SHIMABUKURO MEMORIAL AWARD FOR "EXCELLENCE" IN THE FIELD OF CRADLE ROBBING (AND "BEST" CONFLATION OF VIOLENCE AND SEXUALITY:) Diabolik Lovers



Dude, they're like, hundreds of years older than her



"BEST" MANSERVICE (AND GUILTIEST PLEASURE): Free



Truefax: According to the internet, this was the first time in the history of mass culture that men were sexualized for women's visual pleasure



BEST TRAP: Rui



And I even mean it in the "interesting character" way this year!



BEST/"BEST"/BREAST REVERSE TRAP: Fino



Oh please she wasn't even trying to pass.



"BEST" IMPLIED YAOI SCENE IN A NON-YAOI SERIES: Attack on Titan



That's what's really happening here amirite?



BEST SEMEN EATING MOTIFF: Meganebu



Let's just say that I've got the very obvious nickname for this show down at the bottom.



THE BUICHI TERASAWA MEMORIAL AWARD FOR "EXCELLENCE" IN THE FIELD OF ACCENTUATED ASSCHEEKS: Yamato 2199



I know what you're thinking: "How could this go to anything but Vividred Operation?" The answer is because of how far Yamato has come. Remember, the original Yamato was a prime example of how Back In The Day, the animators were such nerds that they had no idea how to draw panties and therefore they could only draw featureless white things.



THE QUEEN'S BLADE MEMORIAL AWARD FOR EXCELLENCE IN THE FIELD OF RIDICULOUS BOOBAGE: Da Capo III



What the fuck, Da Capo? You were supposed to be one of those kawaii desu imouto who will assent because it's okay if it's with you, onii-chan franchises!



MOST NECESSARY TIE-IN: New Wives Always Say Yes



Anime's always danced around the edges with coyness and insinuation, so suffice to say I lol'ed super hard when this figure finally just said outright what all this waifu business is really about.



MOST UNNECESSARY SPINOFF (AND "BEST" SOURCE MATERIAL): Walkure Romanze



One Words Worth is all that the world needs.



(Why the second award? It's a Ricotta eroge. is what I used for the image last time one of those got an anime adaptation.)



THE STRAIGHT COUGAR MEMORIAL AWARD FOR MOST RIDICULOUS SUNRISE CHARACTER NAME: ERU ERUFU



Yeah yeah, I know it's really "L-11but ERU ERUFU sounds so much more stupid. Also, it is much to our collective sadness that because Gundam Build Fighters is set in the modern real world, there was a massive lack of ridiculous Gundam character names this year since that meant that they all have names like "Sei Iori" or "Ricardo Fellini" rather than "Natora Einus" or "Yurin L'Ciel".



MOST RIDICULOUS NON-SUNRISE NAME: Lamdimia Do Aximemor



Won't lie, I have no idea who this is.



BAD:



THE GUNDAM SEED DESTINY MEMORIAL AWARD FOR THE SERIES THAT COULD'VE BEEN BEST IMPROVED IF I HAD WRITTEN IT: Outbreak Company



Unfortunately, this show wasn't as remotely clever as it wanted to be. It's the sort of thing where they'll use something like the fact that their Cool Japan school is basically immersing young kids is porn as a throwaway gag when it really should be the root of something like a Nadesico-esque satire. That said, there's still plenty of laughs to be had from things like the image of a lizardman blowing into a Nintendo cartridge.



WORST OP: Watamote



WORST ED: Diabolik Lovers



THE ALI PROJECT MEMORIAL AWARD FOR "EXCELLENCE" IN THE FIELD OF PLAYING THE SAME FUCKIN' SONG EVERY FUCKIN' TIME: Yukari Tamura



Not only did I have trouble telling the multiple OPs/EDs from her apart this year, I started to assume that other people's songs that sounded remotely similar were hers.



MOST SURPRISINGLY BAD SERIES (AND WORST SHOUNEN SERIES): Kimi no Iru Machi



This isn't the sort of show that I normally give the worst shounen series to (usually it's standard fighting shows), but this show was so bad I wanted to give it multiple badness awards. Even for Gonzo, the level of incompetence was astounding here. It was almost as if they made the a 24 episode series rigidly sequentially, then throw out half of the frames and reinserted the rest at random.



MOST SURPRISINGLY "BAD" SERIES (AND BIGGEST SEQUEL DROPOFF): Genshiken Nidaime



All of the characters and humor this season could basically be summed up as "lol female sexuality lol". Similarly, all of the decent episodes were the ones were all the new characters were sidelined.



Don't forget Yozakura Quartet here. They put all their energy into animating panties.



QUALITY-EST ANIMATION: Tokyo Ravens



And that's just from the most recent episode!



(This is sort of unfair, but gets an honorable mention because the rotoscoping took me out of the series immediately.)



THIS YEAR'S "ZOMG ANIME IS DYING" AWARD: Vividred Operation



You know how everyone looks at a Jackson Pollock painting and thinks "Oh come on, I could've done that!"? Vividred Operation is the opposite in that everyone had already thought of the concept long before now and the mystery is why it took this long to come to fruition.



WORST VISUAL NOVEL ADAPTATION: Diabolik Lovers



Kyaaah, wifebeating is sooooo kawaii!



Also, I think my "favorite" scene is when one of them throws Yui into the pool in their mansion, where she starts to drown. So he dives in after her and starts sucking her blood underwater (isn't the pool gonna get totally dirty now?), eventually pulling her to the surface. The next shot then has him standing up in the pool, which is now somehow waist-high (but still drownable?)



Amnesia and Brothers Conflict were also really bad. There still hasn't been a decent anime adaptation of an otome game yet.



WORST MECHA AND CHUUNIBYOU-IEST ANIME: Valvrave



SHUT UP MOM! I'M ACTUALLY A SPACE VAMPIRE BODY STEALER SUPER ROBOT PILOT THAT CAN FIGHT ENTIRE COUNTRIES AT ONCE ALSO I'M IMMORTAL AND I GET TO RAPE THE SCHOOL IDOL!



WORST OVA (AND WORST SHOUJO): Suki tte ii na yo OVA



I know the phrase "nothing happened" has lost all its meaning, but there really was nothing that happened here. Not even in the (wuh oh! He's gonna say it!) slice-of-life way, I mean really nothing.



WORST FANSERVICE: Sekai de Ichiban Tsuyoku Naritai



The screaming at the beginning made me last under a minute.



WORST "COMEDY" AND WORST ANIME: Meganebu



Meganebu is perhaps the best/worst example yet to show to an outsider to show how completely absurd anime niche marketing is. It started out as a drama CD for characters with glasses. This of course makes little to no sense, since glasses are a visual character element but a drama CD is purely auditory. Then, it's about a glasses club, which itself also makes little to no sense. Finally, by turning it into an anime it's bringing a purely auditory medium (drama CDs) into a primarily visual realm, compounded by how glasses aren't a personality trait so as the show quickly showed, there was nothing whatsoever to base the show around. (And then combine that with things like how an episode will have a storyline of "Let's make x-ray glasses to look at boobies!" while they simultaneously go around licking cream off of each other's glasses.)



GOOD:



BEST ENGLISH: Genshiken Nidaime



Granted, there really isn't much competition here (and of course, this is a step down from "I love when he splashes his sperm all over Mugio's glasses!")



BEST OP, BEST ED, THE ROSARIO + VAMPIRE MEMORIAL AWARD FOR THE "BEST" ANIME TO WATCH ON NICO NICO, AND MOST SURPRISINGLY "GOOD" SERIES: Hentai Ouji to Warawanai Neko



Trigger warning:



And on that note,



MOST PERO-RISTIC ANIME: The Severing Crime Edge How lewd!



MOST SURPRISINGLY GOOD SERIES: Kotoura-san



The best way to sum this choice up is that the manga for this show didn't even have a page on Japanese Wikipedia prior to the show's airing, but it ended up being the sleeper of the season, if not year.



Runner up: Hataraku Maou-sama



because it was actually funny and had great cast and characters. I kinda wish there was a 2nd season:



BEST SEQUEL AND BEST MECHA: Gundam Build Fighters



Gundam Build Fighters is the best Gundam series in the last 20 years or so. It manages the awkward grimdark/idiotic dichotomy that Gundam series often fell victim to by embracing its little kid toy commercial spirit, meaning that it can have characters acting really goofy since it's gotta make kids laugh while also having cool robot battles since they're all just virtual reality anyway. I think my favorite aspect of the show is how it understands that action figures are hella lame compared to video games by video game-ifying said action figures so now you and your (manchild) friends can figure out once and for all who would win in a fight between a Bearguy and The Big Zam or whatever.



("Honorable" mention: That rebroadcast of Gundam Seed Destiny where they added in nudity.)



BEST ACTION ANIME, THE IT'S OK IF I'M THE DEVIL MEMORIAL AWARD FOR EXCELLENCE IN THE FIELD OF AWESOMENESS AND IT'S OVER 9000-EST ANIME: Kill la Kill



Fuck it, I can't remember the last time I've seen an anime go this full-on, balls to the wall crazy.



BEST SHOUJO: lol



Okay okay, in all seriousness nowadays shoujo manga generally get adapted into live-action movies or series rather than anime.



"BEST" VISUAL NOVEL ADAPTATION: lol



Eh, I should probably retire this award because the structural changes that have occurred since I started doing these back in 2006 have rendered this category more or less moot.



BEST SHOUNEN: Attack on Titan



I've had to give out a quasi-joke award here for a few years in a row, but finally we've gotten what's most likely the best shounen series since Rurouni Kenshin.



BEST OVA NON-TV ANIME: Death Billiards



At first I wanted to say "Anime Mirai" until I remembered that it was really just Death Billiards and Little Witch Academia and not the samurai one or the KILLER IMOUTO one that were the good ones.



Finally, something I can agree with.



BEST FANSERVICE ANIME: Free



You mad, nerds?



Delicious!



BEST/"BEST" COMEDY: Yondemasu, Azazel-san



And the best/"best" anime with an episode about an assghost that makes Solid Snake spray blood from his ass.



No, that's the "best" comedy. The best comedy is Cuticle Detective Inaba!



BEST SOMETHING, IF I HAD A CATEGORY THAT I COULD EASILY GIVE IT AN AWARD FOR: Kyousougiga



Similarly, Rie Matsumoto is the next someone, if I had a category that I could easily give her an award for.



BEST ANIME: Gatchaman Crowds



It's a clever take on superheroes! No, it's a utopian application of gamification! No, it's about how to use technology to forward social justice! Well anyway, it's all those things combined with some of the best characters this year and wrapped up in Kenji Nakamura's signature visuals.



What the fuck is this gachapon shit? The best anime this year is Nagi no Asukara. It is the best tale of an NTR mermaid lad growing up and no longer grrring that they are stealing his wimminz.



All in all, 2013 was a GREAT year for anime. I watched three legit AOTY candidates (first Attack on Titan in Spring, then Gatchaman Crowds in Summer, and finally Kill la Kill in Fall) along with plenty of pleasant surprises like Kotoura-san, Gundam Build Fighters, Death Billiards, and Hataraku Maoh.



And now, your favorite part of your favorite post of the year:



'Bate A Live

Cooterura-san

Devil is a Fart Timer

Dia Ball-Licker Lovers

Golden Shower Time

Meganebukakke

Poopooshiki

Poopa

Poop on the Turd (I know I've done "Poop on the Third" before, but this one has double poop)

Poopimas

Pooticle Detective Inaba

Shite Album

Shitgeki no Kyojin

Silver Spooge

Strike the Butt

Tamanko Market

Unkoten Kazoku

Vulvarave (Bukkakemei Valvrave?)

Yowamushi Pedo

You See Boobs
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